With a world that seemingly moves 500mph forward every single second, it can be easy to ignore the power of pausing. When we wake up, we’re expected to check our phones, make breakfast, get to work, pick up the kids, talk to our spouses, check social media, and still find time to sleep at the end of the night. Plus, with the instant gratification that is underscored through online shopping and digital connecting, it almost seems like our world is vehemently against pausing before acting or reacting.
However, no matter how advanced our society becomes, as human beings, taking time to pause and ponder, reflect, and the process is absolutely essential to our well-being and stability in relationships. Let’s look at the power of pausing as it relates to a bullfighting analogy.
Querencia
In a classic Spanish bullfight, one matador is paired up with a venomous, angry bull, fighting each other until the victor (the only living player) emerges. While the fight ensues, the bull charges the matador, trying to pin him before the matador stabs the bull. Although the matador might be the only one equipped with a weapon, the bull has the ability to regain all power simply by pausing.
Known as querencia, or the moment in time where the bull retreats to its personal corner to recharge and reconfigure its movement, it’s a stillness that provides the bull with leverage over the matador. Everything has seemingly stopped, and the bull is catching its breath while making a new strategy.
Querencia is something that can be replicated in our lives – and it’s something that we desperately need to be replicated.
Our Self Shadows
Humans like to run from feelings, emotions, and emotional baggage. Our own shadow, as stated by Tara Brach in The Power of the Pause, is formed by the parts of our being that we experience as unacceptable. As a response to familial and environmental triggers, early on, we learn what is and is not tolerated to achieve full appreciation and love from those in our lives.
We begin to exile emotions that are not acceptable, instead of curating an outer shell that we believe to be likable and acceptable. The more traumatic our experiences, the bigger our shadow becomes, and we continue to run and run until we are out of breath.
However, we don’t have to let our self shadows ruin our lives. Avoidance of fear and shame won’t help us develop emotionally. We can pursue the power of self-mastery simply by pausing.
5 Steps for Pausing.
- Responsibilities: Regardless of your daily schedule, we can pause before we take part in something that has become second nature. Perhaps you are tasked with driving the children to and from school, wash heaps of laundry that needs to get done, or cooking meals for yourself or the family, or maybe you are tasked with preparing notes for a presentation at work. Whatever it might be, pausing to meditate before taking part in the monotony of every day can help us bring back our inner selves.
- Meditation: During meditation, we pause to let go of our thoughts and reawaken our attention to breathe. We learn to slow everything down and be in the now – the present. Pausing before, during, and after meditation provides our minds with a tranquil time to actually process thoughts and feelings – not everything is meant to come with instant gratification.
- Habitual Schedules: A pause can come in the form of stepping out of daily life and taking a retreat. If you go and spend time in nature, alone, or even take a sabbatical, deviating from your habitual schedule with a long-term pause is just as beneficial as the short-term pauses. Sometimes, we just can’t keep running from the shadow.
- Conversation: Many times, we say things we later regret. Why? Because we’re too busy filling the silence to just sit back and actually listen. Being with another person requires reflection, and that is only going to happen if you take the time to really be present.
- Emotional Processing: Lastly, whether you are suddenly pleased or saddened, pausing to reflect on the feelings rushing through our hearts should be an important part of our daily schedules. Why are we reacting the way we are reacting? Your brain holds the answers if only you’ll give it the time to communicate them to you.
Benefits of Pausing
Once we have taken time to pause at critical junctures in our lives, we resume our activities, but this time, with an awareness and a presence that provides us with power. We are now accepting our feelings and our emotions of the present and past, which gives us leverage over the future. We have an ability to choose, and we now realize that power after pausing and retreating into mental respite.
When we disrupt our habits, we open our minds up to new and creative ways of responding to fears and triggers that once made us feel sheltered and defensive. We are all driven by wants and fears, and we all carry our own unique setbacks. Becoming conscious of how a feeling influences ourselves enables us to meet our vulnerabilities head-on. Once that happens, we aren’t prisoners to our own psychosis anymore.
A Simple Solution
Pausing as a psycho-emotional tool for healing might sound too profoundly easy. However, it’s the easiness that makes it so powerful and attainable for everyone reading this. Face your self shadow head-on and dissect its dark and hidden grip. Find your own querencia and recharge, understanding yourself and your environment. The next time you don’t know what to say, don’t say anything at all – pause, listen, and breathe. You are in control.
At ECI we’re passionate about teaching and coaching Women for readiness in critical times of transition in life and work. Creating a frequency of leadership needed at this time and space. Express your Guts with Grace! Learn to Lead Like a Woman!
Written By: Evelyn Cosme MA, MS/Leadership Strategist/Executive Women’s Coach/Speaker/Trainer/Author/Spiritual Healing Advisor
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